While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
