So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
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At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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