i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
