We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
