i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
