capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
