So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
You have to summon your inner elephant
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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