she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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