Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
