we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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