Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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