went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
