I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Four minutes until I can fart!
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Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
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He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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