Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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