I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
