I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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