At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
