You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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