There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
he's gonorrhea incarnate
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
