i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
