Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
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