And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize
