I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
