She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
