you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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