Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Me too!
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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