found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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