i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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