so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
