i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
