drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
