Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Everclear isn't food dammit
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
