I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
