i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
