take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
