dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Alive.
So much puke
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
