Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
