i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
you never un-have a 4some
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
