thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
you guys were way drunker than both of me
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
