you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
