Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
