Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
