i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
