I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
you had me at cake vodka
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
