hotel room ftw
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
