You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
