I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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