he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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