I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
