don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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