You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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