The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize