Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
