You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
