you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
be right there i have to get my cape
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
