why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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