.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
