If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
