Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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