I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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