The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
