I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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