I want to have your abortion
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
