hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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