shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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