Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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