Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
