It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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