i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
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