Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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