New low: just hacked my moms facebook
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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