If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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