nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Randomize
