He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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