i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
