I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
