we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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