I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
