I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
