i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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