like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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