Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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