I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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